And by-the-by, happy holidays

Today I recieved (or at least found out that I had received) my first spam message of this type! The only kinds of spam I have had to date, believe it or not, are the chainmail type that friends pass on. Here, take a look! And with my commentary, too!

Hello,
Do accept my sincere apologies if my mail does not meet your personal ethics although, I wish to use this medium to get in touch with you first because it's fastest means.

"Hello, please accept my apologies because I believe you have no brain. Oh yes, and I lack grammar." (Yes, he/she/it does! Needs it quite badly!)

I am an external auditor of a well known bank here in the United Kingdom. In one of our periodic auditing I discovered dormant accounts with holding balance of 35,700,000 (Thirty Five Million Seven Hundred Thousand British Pounds) which has not been operated for the past three years. From my investigations and confirmations, the owner of this account, a foreigner who died in plane crash in July 19,2003 and since then nobody has done anything as regards the claiming of this money because he has no family members who are aware of the existence of neither the account nor the funds.

The plurals went bye-bye. So did the grammar. And reality. (In war, politics and spam truth is always the first casualty.)

I have secretly discussed this matter with a top senior minister official of the federal ministry of finance here and we have agreed to find a reliable foreign partner to deal with us although due to his position he did not want to take active part but as soon as you follow my instructions everything will be successful because we will be working hand in hand with him. We thus propose to do business with you,standing in as the next of kin of these funds from the deceased and after due legal processes have been followed the fund will be released to your account without delay and we will use it for investment and to assist the less privileged in the society because if we left the fund with the government it will be fortified for nothing and will be used to suppress the poor masses in the society.

Ooh, top senior minister official! Did he label it "top urgent," by any chance?

This transaction is totally free of risk and troubles as the fund is legitimate and does not originate from drug, money laundry, terrorism or any other illegal act. Finally, I will give you 35% for your corporation,5% will be for expenses both parties might have incurred during this process. On receipt of your response I will furnish you with detailed clarification as it relates to this mutual benefit transaction.

The plurals went on vacation again! So did the word "the". Jeez, what does he/she/it think I am? Potato King or something? (please note that Potato King is a jerk in my class and not to be confused with Hycanith Hyatt, the colorblind General of Potatoes of a story of mine.)

I look forward to hear from you as soon as possible if you are interested.

"...in burning me in effigy every 1rst December..."

Regards,

Mr.Martin Bruce.

I only left the name in so that if an email with this name on it gets through your spam filters you can damn it to the firey pits of Hades - or at least of your Spambox!